Traveling Ph.D.

Don’t worry, folks! The Coach and I are both alive and kicking. We ended up leaving Saturday for my uncle’s funeral and it has been busy since we’ve been back. Well, The Coach has been busy. Me? I didn’t leave the house for three days, but I did soak in the pool. I also wrote a couple of syllabi.  The Coach finished all of his lesson plans from last year (sigh). I canned a couple quarts of salsa. The Coach cut his thumb on the corn cutter and bled like a stuck pig. Yeah, we are completely boring, I know.

Subtitled: The Ongoing Humiliation of the Traveling Ph.D

As you well know, I am the world’s worst klutz. When I was a child, I ran my bike into the back of a parked car and ended up with a concussion, shattered glasses and a ripped off fingernail. I fell out of a bunk bed in a camper and broke my arm in seventh grade. In high school, I stepped out of an SUV funny and ended up on crutches for two weeks. I’ve fallen down stairs, bashed my face on a toilet paper holder (don’t ask), and fell off a see saw. I’ve had skinned knees and elbows and bruises galore. Once I got hit in the face with a beach ball and ended up with a wicked bloody nose.

Let’s just say that my middle name is not Grace.

What’s amusing is that I have never had a sports-related injury. That’s something of a miracle given the fact that I played softball as a child, was a cheerleader in middle school (true fact), took tennis lessons as a teenager, and have been known to play a round of golf (or two or three). That changed on Wednesday when I managed to damage myself at the bowling alley.

It seems that I have an age related sports injury. The sport? Bowling. The injury? Torn calf muscle.

I’m not quite sure how it happened. I was getting ready to launch my ball down the lane when I felt a pop in the back of my calf. My first thought was that someone had accidently hit me with a bowling ball. At least, that’s what it felt like at first. Later, my whole leg felt like it was on fire, then it simmered down to feeling like a massive Charlie horse. Of course, when I started to walk on it, I felt like I was going to fall down. And when the dog pounced on me, well, let’s just say that lots of cussing filled the room.

Of course, not much can be done for a strain. The Coach RICE’d me (this, not this) and made me go to the orthopedic urgent care the next day. Honestly, I thought they’d wrap me up in an Ace bandage and send me on my merry way. Instead, I’ve been booted for at least the next two weeks – and possibly up to six depending on how bad the muscle tear turns out to be. The good news is that my Achilles tendon is still intact. The bad news is that I look pretty pitiful limping around in this boot.

I’m sure the urgent care people think we are crazy, seeing how we kept mumbling about “das boot” [1] and laughing really loud. My husband has also taken to calling me “Old Fart.” I threatened to put my boot in his ass, but he says he’s safe because I can’t lift my leg that high. Sigh.

Bonus: I have been excused from graduation on Sunday because I am a fire hazard. LOL. There’s no way I can actually get up and down the stairs in this boot. Plus, I’m fairly certain that my gait would make the processional look undignified.

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MT, 1.0: Journalist and news editor for a small weekly paper in rural Ohio. Learned more than I ever wanted to know about hogs, cows, and farm implements. Discovered that being a newspaper editor does not pay well. Started master’s degree in Environmental Education.

MT, 2.0: Houseparent at Mooseheart Child City and School, located near Chicago, IL. Played a role in the lives of 18 different senior boys. In many ways, this was a great job. I loved the boys and I loved being able to go on field trips in Chicago. I saw the ballet for the first time, saw the Cubs and the Sox play ball, and used my vacation to take my first real road trip with The Coach (Chicago to San Antonio to Roswell, New Mexico in a 3-cylinder Geo Metro). Hated having to abide by rules I didn’t agree with. This is where I felt like a grownup for the first time.

MT, 3.0: Ph.D. student at Indiana University. Went back to graduate school on a lark. In fact, I only applied to one school — and that was because I liked IU’s public policy program. Ended up transferring into the Political Science program. Loved everything about living in a college town. Got to see famous people (TQE still makes fun of me because I said that). Got to travel abroad for the first time in my life. Could have been a grad student forever if I didn’t have bills to pay.

On the River Thames.
This is when I knew I wanted to be a world traveler.

MT, 4.0: Life Quality Specialist for a nonprofit agency in Louisiana. Loved the Cajun culture; hated the heat. I still dream about the food. Seriously, I do. Did lots of cool stuff related to fisheries and farming. Learned more than I ever wanted to know about sugar cane harvesting. Went back to Europe with a friend of mine. Left because I realized I would never be able to finish my dissertation while holding down a full-time job. I think The Coach is still mad about that because he loved his teaching job and the fact that he was the coach of a state championship track team. Heck, he still wears the ring. 

MT, 5.0:  Teaching Fellow at a regional IU campus. Took to teaching like a duck takes to water. Realized that being a professor was the right fit for me. Did lots of neat stuff in Louisville – Churchill Downs, art museums, shopping at Williams Sonoma and Pottery Barn for the first time. Could have stayed at the regional campus forever if only they had a teaching position available.

MT, 5.1: Assistant professor at my current University. Helped to build an MPA program. Taught 18 different classes in the span of three years. No one said the tenure track was easy, right? On the plus side, lots and lots of travel. Went to Amsterdam and the Czech Republic. Spent eight hours in Germany. Traveled to Mexico for the first time. Took a couple trips to the southwest. Learned that I wanted to retire to Santa Fe.

MT, 5.2: MPA Director. Took over as MPA director right before I went up for tenure. My first “administrative” style job. Went to Peru, which is easily the coolest place I have ever been. Road trip to Montana and South Dakota. Took in the inauguration. Downside? Meetings galore.

MT, 5.3: Department chair. Got tenure, got promoted, got named Department Chair. Another trip to Mexico, a solo trip to Ireland. Downside? More meetings, more meetings, more meetings.

MT, 5.3.1: Department chair and “pseudo-dean.” [1] The current version. Less teaching, more meetings. Am doing cool things related to faculty research and distance education. Learning about LLC. Dealing with assessment issues. Plans for travel to New Zealand, Guatemala, and Germany. Looking at writing a book; just finished writing sabbatical application (keeping fingers crossed).

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